I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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