the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize