ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
