someone threw a dead crab at me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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