I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
