you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
