He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize