Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
