I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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