Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
