She said her name was "party"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
