stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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