I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
