When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
