I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
