Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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