did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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