I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
