i permit you to call me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
