why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
