the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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