Say something about gay babies.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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