Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
