Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
