There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize