Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
