hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize