You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
