I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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