i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
