im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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