Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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