im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
