Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
