if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
