Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
