the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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