she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
