Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
