phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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