I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize