allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
