were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize