Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
