Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
