there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
