I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize