I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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