When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize