Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
