You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
