Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
