Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
