It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
