i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
