Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to calm my uterus...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
