Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
