Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
