if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
