I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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