Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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