It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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