I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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