I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Barsexuality is the new black.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
