I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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