First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
