I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
