I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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