He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
