all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
