My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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