Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize