I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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