Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
