Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
