Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
