he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
