Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am naked and annoyed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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