He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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