my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
