dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
