i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
