woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They have beer where we have blood.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
we should paint friendship bongs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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