I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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